Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
