So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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