this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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