Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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