is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
