i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
