My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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