he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
