Swine flu. Run for my life!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
