they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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