guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
