It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
