I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
