I feel like I'm in dance class right now
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
