Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
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