Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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