To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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