I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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