It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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