please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
