Me. At least after what I've been through.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
