I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the day after is always just damage control
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
