You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
