The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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