i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
