I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
