shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
