dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
and she was petting her beer can
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
