The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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