a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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