I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize