my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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