Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
