I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
