Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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