I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
