Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
