he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
