My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
