GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
