Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(740): View more from Ohio

Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.

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(917): View more from New York City

the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning

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(512): View more from Texas

Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.

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(916): View more from California

whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door

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(248): View more from Michigan

Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.

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(760): View more from California

Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that

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(302): View more from Delaware

The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?

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(734): View more from Michigan

He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."

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