Cold hands, warm shart.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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