You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
