how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
