He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
how drunk are you?
Several
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
