when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just pee around me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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