I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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