from now on my penis is your penis
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
