I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
