Hey man sorry I got all grabby
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
