Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
