Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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