I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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