i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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