just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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