I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
