i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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