I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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