So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
