new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
