I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
