Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
