I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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