DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
where are my eyebrows?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
