I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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